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WORDINGS
Thursday, November 17, 2005

my heart. it hurts. why is it that no one cares??

exams are over. finally. but why isit that my mum still treats me like filth and continue caging me in her cage? why isit i cant have my life back, my freedom.... my youth??

that night. i cried. i cried so badly. i tried not to make any sound, i din want to wake my brother up... i cried. but no one was there. all i wanted was a hug.... i gave my best friends messages. why isit that no one replied. no one cared? the blade lies so near me. its so tempting... maybe. if blood flowed. the pain will flow together. away. away from me....

who calls they're own son useless?. she said ive never made her proud. but i have done so many things that she should be proud of. this gift that god gave me. my artistic senses. why aint she proud of it. why isit she forbids me to dance. all my life. its wasted . fucking wasted. !!

who hates his own son? he hates my personality. hates my feminity. he thinks i will not make it as a fashion designer. FUCK HIM. i dun need him to judge me. to insult me.

YOU GUYS DONT GO THRU WHAT I DO. IM CONSTANTLY BEING BULLIED. CONSTANTLY BEING INSULTED. YOU THINK I LIKE IT?? I HAVE NO PRIDE AT ALL. I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF. ITS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU HAVE MADE ME A FUCKING WUSSY. A WEAKILING. I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU. I WONT BE YOUR SLAVE.

that night. i prayed . i asked god to take this away. he was there. he was around. he made me better. but were you around? i thought you were my best friend. i treated you guys like you were my best friends. i tried being there for all of you. no one was there. well. i cant blame you guys. its probably late. well. im sorry. sorry for being me. i know you hate me.

im a sinner. im no god's child. im the devils slave. im the devils toy. the devil has his way. he tempts me. but im strong. i have god by my side. i have my angels by my side. the devil will run. he will hide.

all i want is my freedom....

and i say you look pretty7:19 PM!

FEMMEBOY
nathanael
piano player
dancer
fashion designer
doodler
dreamer
has a dark secret


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